Everyone goes through an unspeakable period of life. Failure, break-up, unemployment, bankruptcy, so far, you have the darkest time of life. How to face it?
Colleagues’ relationship is terrible. Your job done every day is far away from your dream. Even the job has just been lost. The new job turned out to be a fraud. The new business started by yourself is a mess. Yes, this is the worst moment for your career.
You worked hard, but you still failed your exams. Your graduation paper got a bad result. Yes, this is the worst moment for your studies.
Your boyfriend cheated on you. Your love relationship for 5 years suddenly ended. You are trapped in a bitter marriage, feeling powerless to make a change, and having no courage to leave it. Yes, this is the worst moment for love.
Your relatives had a car accident or even died. They continually have small illnesses and big diseases. Yes, this is the worst moment for a family.
And the darkest time I can think of is when career, studies, love and family “at the same time” get into trouble. That is the worst time of life.
At that time, you feel the malice from all over the world, and you even wish you were forgotten by the world.
But because it is the worst of life, every single day after that will be better than today.
The low point of life makes you miserable because you can’t accept your incapability.
Our lives are like walking on a wire rope, and we must be careful.
Our tolerance for loss of control is so low that we can’t wait for everything to be back under our safety control.
We are particularly greedy about ourselves, but we don’t know about ourselves.
We always over-believe in our ability. We feel that we should be able to do a good job, so when we don’t do a good job, we are angry with ourselves and also angry with others.
It seems that we are particularly difficult to accept the imperfect ourselves, the incapable ourselves, the stupid ourselves—the one who did it several times but still couldn’t make it.
We all have extremely demanding requirements for ourselves.
In fact, inability is not a stable status.
I’m not good at the moment, but I can make myself better by learning, thinking, finding resources, and so on.
But when we can’t face our inability, we’re anxious to focus on the results and forget about the thing itself, so we’re not going to develop the ability to solve the problem.
Refusing to acknowledge our inability, will hinder our development from developing abilities.
So, why are we so impatient with ourselves?
Why don’t we want to give ourselves one more chance? Why don’t we want to provide ourselves with a little more time and take it slowly? Why don’t we want to say “it’s okay” to ourselves when we fail for the first time?
Because our incompetence has never been allowed.
Because we have never been treated patiently.
Because no one has ever told us it’s okay.
It started at a very young age.
The first time we learned to walk, we fell. Mom said, “how are you so stupid,” and she rarely said, “it doesn’t matter. I’ll accompany you again”. So we dare to fall.
The first time we learn to eat, the food went off to the ground, Mom said, “what’s wrong with you? How many times you did that?”, and she would not say, “it doesn’t matter, you can use the spoon like this,” so from then on, we can not allow ourselves to be not elegant.
When we took our first exam, we got the wrong answer, and no one said it’s okay. So from then on, we do not allow ourselves to make a simple mistake.
From the first mistake, we get criticism.
It’s always “you shouldn’t” instead of “it’s okay.”
And then our subconscious learns about the mistakes.
We do it, and we have to do it well at once. And we never allow being weak, never allow mistakes, never forgive ourselves.
No one will accompany us to improve, and no one allows us to grow slowly.
And we have to change it all at once.
Slow change or being weak is not acceptable.
Then we became a strict mother, putting strict requirements on ourselves. We even become so loyal to what our mother had taught us that after we left her, we stick to it seriously.
As we grow older, no one tells us, “You are fine. It’s okay if you don’t do it well. if you really what to do a good job, take it easy and slowly, and I will accompany you.”
However, the fact is, no single improvement can be achieved overnight.
Slow improvement is a human body and psychological development law.
So tell yourself:
it’s okay. Take it slowly.
I believe that a bright future will come, so I am willing to wait.
I know at the moment, I may not be good, but I can stay with myself. I do not need to rush to resist this state, do not need to rush to prove that we can, do not need to meet the requirement immediately.
That’s because I believe in the future.
Waiting is a beauty of delayed satisfaction.
I don’t need to be so eager to be satisfied immediately, because I can believe that the whole world is mine. I believe I can get there when I need it. I’ll spend some time and energy, but I’ll get it in the end.
I am not afraid of losing control, not scared of failure. I dare to let all things and people out of control because I am willing to believe in themselves and the world’s beauty. I can fail and can’t do it well. I know it’s allowed.
Because I learned to tell myself, “this is not good, no one understands you, but still, it doesn’t matter.”
I believe that the world and myself will be better, after all.
But What if they don’t?
So what? I still love myself.
Take exercise, firmly believe that whether it is to withstand a deeper low tide or meet the high tide, a good body is needed.
Talk to your close friends, basically not to complain, mainly to recall happy times.
Read more books and read some biographies. They help increase your knowledge and also can help you know about how they go through their bad times.
Do housework, and give yourself a bright and clean environment.
So, one day when someone asks you, how do you get out of the bottom of life?
Tell them, it’s okay, take it slowly, take a few more steps.
Hi, I am Tracy, a Strategist in a leading Internet company, a Consultant, and also a Serial Entrepreneur. I have studied and worked in both the U.S. and Asia. I have 3 successful side jobs, writing novels, running an online store, and being a video blogger. I have provided coaches on planning and time management for over 100 people. I never give up my hobbies (piano, painting, and traveling, etc) and curiosity to explore life. I would like to share what I have learned with you.